I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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