Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
