Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
