So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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