On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
