i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm getting married
To pizza
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
