You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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