What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I supernannyed him into submission
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
