Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
