When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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