oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
