everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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