We named our party play list daddy issues
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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