If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
