loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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