I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize