I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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