Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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