I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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