its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
