what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
