Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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