My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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