also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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