If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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