I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you traded sex for a burrito?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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