the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
