guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
