I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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