He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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