you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
