Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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