To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
