meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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