Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
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I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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