I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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