I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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