I seem to have left my pride at pride
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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