I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
