I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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