I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I need water and some morals
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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