Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
