i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
