I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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