thus making me awesome and them whores
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
