God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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