fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
