Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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