thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
