Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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