My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
