someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
