Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
