Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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