I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
