I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
where am i from again
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
