I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
