4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
