happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
