god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So vagazzling was a success
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
