My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
