the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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