I got chris browned last night
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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