so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
