I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
