My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize