A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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