I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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