Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
