you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
