I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i will never coherently bang her
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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