Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
