I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
