Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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