My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
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Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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