do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need a beard to bite.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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