I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
