**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
