if i can run in heels then i can drive
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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